Friday, June 03, 2011

i hope my love will be enough

there have been a few songs on the radio recently that tugs at my heart strings and i just found out tonight that the singer is bruno mars.

sigh.

brilliant voice....his voice just tugs at my heart strings.

and i wonder,
if we go through life without ever finding the kind of love that he sings about.
if we go through life without experiencing the depth of emotions that he feels.
to be willing to throw himself in front of a run away train to save his love.
would it be sad?
if we marry a person we love, but don't love us in equal terms.
are we able to measure the love?
would our heart die the day we realise that?

i hope that we are stronger than that.
i hope that we are so strong, we can give so much love and expect nothing in return.
i hope that we are so strong, that our love will carry us through everything.
i hope that we are so strong, our love will be enough for us all.

i hope that despite the fact that we are just human,
our love makes us superhuman.

i hope that my love will be enough for you.
i hope that my love will be enough to stop the hurt you feel.
i hope that my love will be enough to carry you through the pain and keep you going on.
i hope that my love will be enough and compensate for all the losses you feel.

i hope that my love will be enough, i won't lose you so soon.

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

insensitive

this song...the music and its lyrics haunted me for years. late in the night as i crammed for my exams the song would play over the radio...aching, haunting, touching. and when i went through a painful breakup, the song amplified my heartache. i never knew who sang the song, until tonight, thanks to google, i struck gold.

this is to share a piece of my memories, heart rending and beautifully sung by Jann Arden...Insensitive....

How do you cool your lips
After a summer’s kiss
How do you rid the sweat
After the body bliss
How do you turn your eyes
From the romantic glare
How do you block the sound
Of a voice you’d know anywhere

Oh, I really should have known
By the time you drove me home
By the vagueness in your eyes
Your casual good-byes
By the chill in your embrace
The expression on your face
That told me
Maybe You might have some advice to give
On how to be
Insensitive
Insensitive
Insensitive

How do you numb your skin
After the warmest touch
How do you slow your blood
After the body rush
How do you free your soul
After you’ve found a friend
How do you teach your heart
It’s a crime to fall in love again

Oh, you probably won’t remember me
It’s probably ancient history
I’m one of the chosen few
Who went ahead and fell for you
I’m out of hope, I’m out of touch
I fell too fast, I feel too much
I thought that you might have
Some advice to give on how to be
Insensitive
I really should have known
By the time you drove me home
By the vagueness in your eyes
Your casual good-byes
By the chill in your embrace
The expression on your face
That told me
Maybe You might have some advice to give
On how to be
Insensitive
Insensitive
Insensitive


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MaSDEUITIfk

Friday, June 19, 2009

humanity VS professionalism

recently, a lady whose kindness knows no bounds, met a dog lying in the middle of the street. the dog, hence named angel, couldn't move because she was a victim of a hit-n-run. her pelvic bones as well as her left forearm was shattered. leaving her crippled. the lady refused to accept negativity and spent an enormous amount of money to treat the dog. almost seven thousand ringgit. a HUGE amount indeed, seeing that angel wasn't even her pet in the first place, just a dog on the street.

just a dog?

a dog is still a life. regardless. what is the value we place on this life? is she worth this much money? could the money have been put to better use? saving many more doggies instead? is the lady who saved her an angel? or merely eccentric?

which side of the fence do u stand?

perhaps the vet shouldn't have charged so much. although the skilled vet did a fine job...should he charge so much? even when he has spent almost rm100,000 on equipment and skills training? is it fair for people to have to pay so much for kindness? to save a life? but if no one pays the bill, how will the skills and equipment be acquired to provide the service in the first place?

in another perspective, if a child is sick, is it fair that her parents have to pay rm500,000 so that she can have a liver transplant? she is human after all. but she is only one child. the money could probably feed 5000 kids for a year. try telling that to the parents and see what they say.

are you still standing on the same side of the fence?

what value do you place on a life?


is quality healthcare a blessing or a bane? how do we pay for health when the payment itself causes an arm and a leg?

what is the definition of humanity? for professionalism? are the doctors pursuing perfection to become specialist in order to provide the best health care? or perhaps it is the pursuit of money? have they lost sight of humanity in in the effort to become better doctors? have we forgotten why we promise to do the best we can in the first place? the best for our patients???

when i asked the kind lady why she was willing to pay so much to save angel, her answer was short and to the point.

because every life is sacred.

Thursday, April 09, 2009

the road not taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.


The Road Not Taken is a poem by Robert Frost, published in 1916 in his collection Mountain Interval.


i was reading a book recently, and i chance upon this poem. i have always been intrigued by the meaning of the poem, and how it always seems to appear unexpectedly at moments in my life when i seem to be at a point where the roads diverge.

in retrospect, the most significant decision of my life was to agree when my mom suggested that i transfer to Sam Tet to continue my form six studies. by norm, i was supposed to proceed to another school after my high school, but my parents decided that i would be much too distracted if i was to go there. besides, Sam Tet was famous for its excellent STPM records. n my sis was already there.

of course, a change of scene did not deter me from getting involve actively in the extra-curricular activities, and soon i was involved in the english club. little did i know that meeting my club advisor's family would influence my life greatly. her son became one of my best buddies and her husband, a vet, introduced to me an option i didn't know i had. i found my life's passion for healing all creatures, big and small.

which lead me to vet school. i have memories n stories to last me a life time, and friends who stood by me thru thick n thin. it was a friend from vet school who introduced me to a special person. the man who would become the love of my life.

and it all could be back tracked to the point where i made the decision to take the road less travelled by, and THAT has made all the difference!

although sometimes when i am in my more pensive moods, i do look back and wonder about the road not taken....

Monday, October 06, 2008

what a year- 30 and counting.....

the year that was...and the year that will be.....

this year started with a blast....not quite the happy one like last year when i got married, but rather with the type of blast equal to that of chernobyl.

i pour my heart into my work, because i believe it to be a calling, because i believe it makes a difference. despite that, my work was made a mockery. i was unfairly and vulgarly accused. by refusing to take the insults, i left my previous job. which threw a HUGE SPANNER into my plans.

i was expecting my son, and not having any pay was a huge blow to the family finances. having and bringing up a kid is not a joke and by today's standard of living, an expensive undertaking. it has been a tough battle uphill. even now, to make ends meet- in spite of all the generous help we have been receiving from family and friends. not having the security of knowing when my next paycheck will come is a terrifying time for me.

in retrospect however, i have my ex-boss to thank, for giving me the push i needed to venture forth and be my own boss. something that i have been considering for some time; but i was getting comfortable in the employee zone...not satisfied yet not ready to leave the misconceived perception of false security being employed provided. my parents and husband have been unbelievably supportive emotionally, physically and financially, and thanks to them, and the "ex-boss" i started my own vet clinic. what a liberation, what a jump! it is scary yet exhilarating, tiring yet energizing, terrifying yet full of hope. god knows when i'll actually get a regular paycheck again, but at least i am happy. happy being able to do what i want, the way i want to, according to my own principles, and most importantly, finally getting the due results for the efforts i put in.


this year have also been one of the most defining moments of my life. i took on a great journey, i became a mother. that is; starting with a gut wrenching, earth shaking, heart splitting, excruciatingly painful process called LABOUR. BUT nature is wise, when your own life is placed in your arms, still wet and sticky after birth, with the umbilical cord intact, and eyes open with wonder and searching for your voice, all the pain is forgotten, the difficulties endured. for what is greater than the gift given to us by god and blessed with life? it makes perfect sense and you finally begin to understand what it means to be a parent, and you finally, TRULY appreciate what your parents have to go through, for you to reach where you are now. to realise that although the umbilical cord was severed at birth, the ties of family, of blood will bind u forever. and though their hands are no longer holding yours, but they are still supporting you, making sure that they catch you when u when you fall, and heal you when break.

truly, without them, where goes the thirty years? what shapes the next thirty years?

30 years and counting.....