what a year- 30 and counting.....

the year that was...and the year that will be.....

this year started with a blast....not quite the happy one like last year when i got married, but rather with the type of blast equal to that of chernobyl.

i pour my heart into my work, because i believe it to be a calling, because i believe it makes a difference. despite that, my work was made a mockery. i was unfairly and vulgarly accused. by refusing to take the insults, i left my previous job. which threw a HUGE SPANNER into my plans.

i was expecting my son, and not having any pay was a huge blow to the family finances. having and bringing up a kid is not a joke and by today's standard of living, an expensive undertaking. it has been a tough battle uphill. even now, to make ends meet- in spite of all the generous help we have been receiving from family and friends. not having the security of knowing when my next paycheck will come is a terrifying time for me.

in retrospect however, i have my ex-boss to thank, for giving me the push i needed to venture forth and be my own boss. something that i have been considering for some time; but i was getting comfortable in the employee zone...not satisfied yet not ready to leave the misconceived perception of false security being employed provided. my parents and husband have been unbelievably supportive emotionally, physically and financially, and thanks to them, and the "ex-boss" i started my own vet clinic. what a liberation, what a jump! it is scary yet exhilarating, tiring yet energizing, terrifying yet full of hope. god knows when i'll actually get a regular paycheck again, but at least i am happy. happy being able to do what i want, the way i want to, according to my own principles, and most importantly, finally getting the due results for the efforts i put in.


this year have also been one of the most defining moments of my life. i took on a great journey, i became a mother. that is; starting with a gut wrenching, earth shaking, heart splitting, excruciatingly painful process called LABOUR. BUT nature is wise, when your own life is placed in your arms, still wet and sticky after birth, with the umbilical cord intact, and eyes open with wonder and searching for your voice, all the pain is forgotten, the difficulties endured. for what is greater than the gift given to us by god and blessed with life? it makes perfect sense and you finally begin to understand what it means to be a parent, and you finally, TRULY appreciate what your parents have to go through, for you to reach where you are now. to realise that although the umbilical cord was severed at birth, the ties of family, of blood will bind u forever. and though their hands are no longer holding yours, but they are still supporting you, making sure that they catch you when u when you fall, and heal you when break.

truly, without them, where goes the thirty years? what shapes the next thirty years?

30 years and counting.....

VINCENT-Don McLean

Starry, starry night
Paint your palette blue and gray
Look out on a summer's day
With eyes that know the darkness in my soul
Shadows on the hills
Sketch the trees and the daffodils
Catch the breeze and the winter chills
In colors on the snowy linen land

Now I understand
What you tried to say to me
How you suffered for your sanity
How you tried to set them free
They would not listen they did not know how
Perhaps they'll listen now

Starry, starry night
Flaming flowers that brightly blaze
Swirling clouds in violet haze
Reflecting Vincent's eyes of China blue
Colors changing hue
Morning fields of amber grain
Weathered faces lined in pain
Are soothed beneath the artist's loving hands

Now I understand
What you tried to say to me
How you suffered for your sanity
How you tried to set them free
They would not listen they did not know how
Perhaps they'll listen now

For they could not love you
But still your love was true
And when no hope was left in sight
On that starry, starry night
You took your life as lovers often do
But I could have told you Vincent
This world was never meant for one as
beautiful as you

Starry, starry night
Portraits hung in empty halls
Frameless heads on nameless walls
With eyes that watch the world and can't forget
Like the strangers that you've met
The ragged men in ragged clothes
A silver thorn on a bloody rose
Lie crushed and broken on the virgin snow

Now I think I know
What you tried to say to me
How you suffered for your sanity
How you tried to set them free
They would not listen they're not listening still
Perhaps they never will

lullaby for my son....